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Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Processed bodies

A friend of mine shared a picture with me that blew my mind.  Apparently, this is what a typical family of four eats in a week.  Look closely.  See the potato chips literally climbing up the wall?  Pizza, pop, juice, fast food?  Notice the lack of veggies and fruit?  Jars of preservatives and processed crap?  Ugh.  I get it, it’s easier than spending time in the kitchen cooking.  But are you really doing your bodies any favors?  Our bodies are not meant to process the sodium and preservatives, not to mention all the fat that is shown in this picture. Do I like spending an hour every night preparing my lunch, snacks and breakfast for the next morning?  Well, no, it’s not my favorite thing but it’s worth every single minute.  I can go to bed at night knowing that I’m prepared and will make good choices the next day.  No last minute scramble in the cafeteria that ends with pizza or French fries.  It’s a peace of mind and knowing that I’m saving money doing it myself.  Eventually, it becomes a habit and you just do it. 

I’ve heard that the more affluent the family, the more prone they are to having junk food and eating out.  I’m not sure if that’s due to disposable income, busy schedules or just a choice but it’s an odd stat.  I constantly hear people complaining that it’s so expensive to eat healthy.  Sure, a combo meal at McDonald’s is cheaper than going to the store and buying lean meat and veggies, and it’s instant, no preparation dinner.  BUT if I go to the store and spend $10 to get groceries that feed five of us it doesn't take a lot of math here.  $25-30 on crap or taking the time to cook something nutritious at home? I’m doing my body a favor by spending the time to shop and cook for the family.  I mean, yeah, you can put whatever you want in your gas tank and you’ll probably keep creeping down the road but why not give it the high octane fuel that it was meant to run more efficiently on?  Down the road, you are not saving any money.  You’re just ruining your body and will spend more in “repairs” as poor eating and lack of activity continue.  Remember, you can’t outwork a bad diet.  Trust me because I know this first hand.  It doesn't matter how long I spend in the gym at night if I spend the weekend stuffing my face with junk.  When you go to the grocery store this week, think about the picture.  Try to spend a little more time on the outside ring of the store where things are fresh and better for you.  Leave just one or two jars of processed crap you would normally buy on the shelf.  If you are having a hard time believing that it’s not good for you, read the label.  Check the calories per serving, fat and sodium.  See if you can pronounce the ingredients.  If you can’t, set it down and move on! Shine, be brilliant and remember your body is a temple, not a garbage disposal.  

Monday, July 30, 2012

Good times

How did Monday get here so fast? This girl could use about 5 more hours of sleep but alas, there is no rest for the wicked.  I had a wonderful weekend at home and much needed time with my family.  Friday night we had an unfortunate zipper malfunction with my bridesmaids dress so Rachael and I rushed to Rochester to hit David’s bridal, half an hour before they closed and picked out a new dress…just what I wanted to do one week before the wedding.  Ugh.  It’s beautiful and I love it but just didn’t need the stress of that to happen for myself or sissy.  But, problem solved and crisis averted.  Hooray for us! 

The bachelorette party was a lot of fun.  We had some great 80’s outfits and lots of laughs.  Our bus broke down in Burr Oak but our knights in shining armor came with vans and cars to pick us up at and take us back to Cresco.  Now, we’re just five days until the wedding! I’m back in Des Moines for a short 72 hours before I return to Cresco to help get everything ready.  I can’t wait!  It’s going to be an amazing weekend for my sister and Jason.  

Friday, July 27, 2012

Girls just wanna have fun

I’m so excited I can hardly sit still.  I’m heading home this morning for a weekend all about my sissy and I can’t wait.  I’m picking up my nephew from daycare when I get to town so I can get some quality time in with him before he goes to his dad’s for the weekend.  I’m thinking I’ll take him to the park and get him some ice cream.  Tonight will be working on wedding stuff and relaxing.  Tomorrow I get to have lunch with Sissy, Erin, Debbie and Grandma Donna. I can’t wait! I love those ladies so much and time with them always makes me smile and feel so good.  In the afternoon we will start our totally rad transformation to flashback 80’s prom goers before we head out and about on the town for Sissy’s bachelorette party.  I hope she loves all the fun things I have planned for her. 

I’ve been worried all week about food this weekend.  I know I’ll be eating out a lot and drinking which usually leads to snacking.  It’s a vicious cycle.  And then I decided, you know what, it’s my only sisters celebration and I’m going to enjoy it.  And no, I don’t feel bad knowing I’m going to have Mabe’s pizza for dinner Saturday night and empty calorie cocktails with the ladies.  I will get in my workouts and try to control my portions but I’m also going to live my life without feeling guilty because my rum and diets are going to put me over my calories for the day.  Besides, there will be a lot of dancing and that’s a great way to burn it off.  When I get home Sunday I will fall right back into my routine and kick some more butt, but from this afternoon until Sunday morning, it’s all about fun and making sure my sister has the time of her life before we marry her off next Saturday.  I could never feel guilty about that.  Even if I wanted too, I would be too busy laughing at our awesome 80’s prom dresses.  This weekend I will shine and be brilliant in satin, pearls, blue eye shadow and crimped hair, because we're Hagebakke's and that's what we do.  

Wednesday, July 25, 2012


You’ve heard it before.  When something sounds too good to be true, it is.  You’re smart.  Think it through. Losing weight isn’t easy.  If it was, we’d all look like Ryan Gosling and Mariah Carey.  It takes hard work and crazy mental dedication.  Calories in versus calories out.  This is what it boils down to.  You can’t out work a bad diet.  You’ve heard this before and know that it’s true.  So why are so many people buying into the easy magic fixes?  Is it laziness?  And is laziness what got you to this point in the first place?  Mine was.  And now, even with all my kickass workouts, I still get lazy on my food some days.  It happens.  But I know better than to put myself on a grapefruit diet or drinking eight slimfast shakes a day and thinking this is going to be sustainable.  I’m 36 years old and even if it worked now in the short term, it wouldn’t last more than a few weeks and then, when you go back to normal food and eating, guess what happens?  That’s right, the weight comes back and then some.  Basic skills here of moderation, avoiding fast food, portion control, high protein…these are the winning combos!  Not diets like hCG, twinkies, tapeworm, baby food, cigarettes, Auqili soap, ear stapling and eating cotton balls.  Seriously!?!?  These are diets people have tried that are extremely dangerous and to be blunt, stupid. 

What’s even wackier?  The workout gimmicks that people come up with.  The shake weight.  2 minutes ab crunch machine.  Or my new favorite…horse riding fitness ace power.  Yeah, check out this video for a great laugh.  But what’s sad?  People actually buy this stuff on infomercials and think that the machine or equipment will do the work for them and melt away fat.  No, go get some cardio if you want to melt away fat.  Find a simple strength training regimen.  Do a workout DVD or go for a swim.  Getting your sweat on will burn fat, not riding a ridiculous machine like this!  Fast forward about 30 seconds and laugh away.   

What’s even more disturbing to me?  People that say they can’t afford $20 a month to go to the gym, but have no problem buying diet pills, eating cotton balls and spending money on crappy equipment every month that ends up in the trash because it breaks and it doesn’t work.  If you can’t make the time to go for a 30 minute walk (which is free!) then what makes you think you’re going to climb on your gazelle or ab blaster for an hour a day?  The industry takes advantage of our quick fix attitude and exploits our pocket books.  So next time, before you try the next magic skinny diet or machine, think first and ask yourself what you’re doing.  Shine, be brilliant and throw away your shake weight.   

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

The challenge

Principal issued a challenge to all its employees this spring to participate in a 5K race.  They are offering run/walk groups each month, training for 5K, ½ and full marathons.  I’ve heard a lot of people talk about it and sound excited.  I think it’s great that they are encouraging people to get moving.  You don’t have to run the entire 5K, just participate.  Walk or jog at your own pace.  It’s simple.  In return you get a cool t-shirt and I have to say I love it.  It is pictured below and reads “life is not lived on the couch”.  Very true.  I will proudly wear this shirt when I do the Principal 5K in October.  Rock on! Are you participating in any races this year?  What’s your activity goals for the summer?  Share with me people. 

I didn’t do warrior last night.  My tummy hurt all day and it was hot as all get out.  When my husband got home from an hour in the 100+ temps he looked like he had got beat with a leaking rubber hose.  I knew I made the right decision to go to the gym for an hour and a half instead.  I will be at Warrior tomorrow night and hopefully can make it through the grueling heat. 

I can already tell this week is going to go slowly.  I’m anxiously counting down to Friday.  I will be heading back to Cresco to host my sister’s bachelorette party on Saturday night.  The theme is 80’s throwback prom and my dress is perfectly hideous.  But not as awesome as the one we are making her wear.  Hee hee.  Pictures to come next week.  Anyway, I’m really looking forward to a great night with some of my favorite ladies in the world.  The next two weeks will be a whirlwind of activity traveling home this weekend and then again on Wednesday for the wedding on Saturday.  Please pray I lose an inch off my chest in the next week so I can breathe comfortably in the dress at the wedding.  What? A girl can dream.  Have a super week.  Shine and be brilliant! 

Thursday, July 19, 2012


It’s Thursday and I am definitely looking forward to a nice, relaxing weekend at home! Per the norm these days, it’s been hot as hell and my body is not loving the outside workouts.  Last night at Warrior was brutal.  We warmed up with a half mile jog then did three single, two double and one triple suicide in the sand.  I really need to get a picture of our “sandbox” which is the size of a sand volleyball court or larger and we run it the long way.  After our legs turned to jelly we moved on to kettlebell and plate workouts including atomic burpees which are even more even than they sound.  We did four minute segments of four exercises with a run into between each set, then finished with a walk lap which was joyous.  I’m still feeling sand in my tennis shoes today.  Next week we are going to be doing less strength training and more mileage.  Oh what a terrible thought that is seeing how my foot is not a fan of running these days.  Oh well.  What’s a girl to do?  Slow and steady.  Left foot, right foot until I collapse, just like the Eminem song.  I should pull that up on my playlist right now and get all pumped up.    

I desperately need to get swimming.  The triathlon is only 7 weeks away and I have logged zero hours in the pool and only 1 on a bike.  Ugh! Why is summer so chaotic?  Looks like this weekend will be spent doing a little bit of both.  Last year I trained hard for the tri for almost five months.  Now I’m down to seven weeks and totally slacking?  Bad, bad Lyndee!! 

I’ve had a few people inquire about going to Biggest Loser Resort; what it entails, costs, which location I suggest, etc.  I have good news for those of you interested in going that would like to save some money.  They have a referral program and if you mention my name and that I referred you when booking your stay, you get a $100 discount. 

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

The heat is on

I’m looking forward to working out in the cool air conditioning of a gym tonight.  This summer in Iowa has been ridiculously hot with temps near 100 most days, not counting the heat index.  Mix in some thick humidity and you have real nasty air out there.  It’s only fitting then that my Monday and Wednesday night workouts are outside, in a field, sweating my bumpkins off.  Warrior last night was an awesome and challenging workout as usual but man, was it hot.  Every inch of my clothing was soaked with sweat.  If Todd has made us do one more round of kettle bells I may have tossed my cookies.  We “cooled down” with what he called a “light half mile jog” and called it a night.  What’s fun about exercise to me as I progress is that feeling when you think you can’t take another step and then you do.  There’s no feeling like when you conquer that.  How desperately I wanted to walk that last ¼ mile last night and then I heard footsteps behind me and Lynn tell me I was doing a good job and I knew that I had to keep jogging… left foot, right foot…until the finish.  I didn’t throw up or collapse.  I finished and that felt pretty awesome.  I took the picture below after standing around talking for half an hour and then being in an air conditioned car. I was purple and drenched the entire 30 minute drive home.  A shower has never felt so awesome.  Tomorrow night is supposed to be even warmer (102 without heat index) and God only knows what Todd has in store for us but I will keep trudging through, left foot, right foot, because I’m pretty sure at this point, I AM A WARRIOR!!

Had a great weekend food wise and still rocking it out this week.  Since my meltdown last Monday I finally feel like I’m getting it together.  It is a welcome change.  I have no doubt in my mind that it will all pay off on the scale again Friday morning.  I can’t wait to report to Scott! Tonight will be cardio, Wednesday Warrior, Thursday I will do some Biggest Loser Resort treading and probably do a double day on the elliptical later that night.  We’re home this weekend which is also a plus because it’s soooo much easier to control my food and workouts when we’re not traveling.  Less than three weeks to the wedding and I will be able to breathe in this dress.  I promise you that. 

Monday, July 16, 2012

Skip the chips

I grew up a farm girl.  We had some form of potatoes with pretty much every meal.  The saying “meat and potatoes” family is not a myth, it’s reality here in Iowa.  Baked, fried, mashed, frenched, hashbrowns…you name it, I love it! The other thing we had with every meal?  Bread.  Meat, potatoes, bread and a veggie.  These were the staples of our plates.  I’ve never been shy about the fact that I’m a complete carb addict but I have found this does not bode well with trying to lose weight.  It’s heartbreaking really to say goodbye to some of my favorite comfort foods.  I mean, put a basket of bread in front of me at a restaurant and you better be prepared for refills.  Who needs the main meal when you have rolls?  Hence, the lovely muffin top I sport above my pants.  Sissy’s wedding is just under three weeks away and as I’ve shared, the dress zips but the breathing isn’t real comfortable.  My husband has always preached at me about my carbs and I always ignored him because I love them and they make me feel full and happy.  Also because I had no idea the amount of carbs I was consuming was atrocious because that was my normal.  He told me if I wanted to make sure the dress fits more comfortably and I wanted to do it healthy (which, of course, I do) that I needed to watch my carbs. Not watch them fill my plate and slide into my mouth but watch the amount.  He told me to cut them back to around 100 grams a day.  Say what?!?! Carbs are in nearly everything.  I played with a few sample menus and thought he had completely lost his marbles.  All I could basically eat was lean proteins and veggies.  Well, duh, that makes sense but I still hate it when he’s so very right. 

For the last week I worked very hard to keep my carbs around 100.  It was tough some days!  But I found ways around it and my body feels much “lighter”.  I’m not crashing from sugar highs and carb binges.  I feel much more level.  Saturday night I made chicken tacos.  I diced up chicken and simmered with lemon juice, salsa, hot sauce, cilantro, minced garlic and onions.  It was heavenly and is one of the boy’s favorite meals!  It was tough to find a low carb tortilla that tasted decent but I budgeted my day so that I could enjoy one.  Today I made a salad.  No tortilla and no baked Doritos or other chips like I would’ve normally done.  I used 2 cups of lettuce, the chicken, shredded 2% reduced fat cheese, cilantro, onion, salsa, and instead of sour cream, I used a dollop of plain greek yogurt.  It was awesome! I didn’t miss the carbs or crunch of the chips and I saved myself 140 calories and 8 grams of fat that way too.  There was enough flavor and crunch from the onions and lettuce to make my mouth very happy and my tummy full.  Breakfast was egg whites, spinach, turkey sausage and feta cheese.  My afternoon snack is yogurt so I have enough carb wiggle room to make my tuna tonight and eat it on a piece of flatout bread with fat free mayo, dill relish, a dash of hot sauce and one piece of fat free American cheese.  With only 68 carbs and 984 calories, I will definitely have enough leeway in my food budget to enjoy a bowl of Blue Bunny hi-lite vanilla ice cream with fresh strawberries tonight.  Yeah, my mouth is watering a little bit just thinking about it too.  I heart dessert and it is national ice cream month so don’t judge me. 

Oh and speaking of mouthwatering, has anyone seen the commercials for Pizza Hut’s new garlic bread pizza?  Again, Lyndee loves any bread but throw garlic, cheese and toppings on and I’m putty in your hands.  This commercial was so real I could almost smell the pepperoni and bubbling cheese through my television.  My inner fat girl was drooling uncontrollably.  Consider a piece of pizza hut garlic bread with cheese is 240 calories and 15 grams of fat, adding any toppings whatsoever could only be catastrophic.  Sigh.  I guess I will just have to try to concoct this at home with light garlic bread, turkey pepperoni and reduced fat cheese and see how it turns out.  This is another great example of why we should look up stats before we eat something and why impulse buying is a terrible idea.  I’m glad I was already eating my fish and sweet potato fries before I saw the commercial because my will power may have been weak.  But I avoided a bad decision and my bridesmaids dress thanks me for it.  

Friday, July 13, 2012

Friday the 13th

Yesterday was a great day! Our team outing was so much fun.  We played the basketball game 21, sand volleyball, laser tag and disc golf.  I may be the worlds worst disc golfer, or folfer as my cousin Shelby called it but it was great to have some activity and fun in the sun with a wonderful team.  And I have battle wounds (bruises) to prove my participation in volleyball with a round brick, er, I mean, slightly hard volleyball.  I was thinking if I ever win the lottery I will definitely be setting up a laser tag course in my backyard.  Last night I went to the gym and did an hour on the elliptical and some abs and arms.  I had a great burn yesterday since I wasn’t sitting a desk all afternoon.  A girl could get used to numbers like that.  I was worried about weighin this morning since I spent the week in a walking boot and had limited activity.  Since my meltdown Monday night I watched my food like a hawk and it paid off on the scale.  Hooray for that.  Sissy’s wedding is 3 weeks from tomorrow so if I continue my good eating and get back to my normal workout schedule we should be golden. Knowing I am home this weekend with no crazy plans helps me feel much more at ease and confident that I will have a good weekend as far as food goes, unlike the 5 previous.  

Laser tag at Sleepy Hollow

We’re taking the kids to Adventureland today so my calorie burn should be decent walking around, although I won’t be able to wear my bodybugg in the water park so I will have to log that activity manually.  At 6 we’re doing a 4 mile warrior obstacle course.  That should be…interesting.  I’m a little scared but also think it could be fun to see what Todd has come up with to torture us.  I will not do anything to mess up my foot.  I promise.  I will push myself without stupidity and give it my best.  I don’t ever plan to do a tough mudder race but I’ve contemplated doing a warrior dash so this will be a good trial run to see what I think of the process.  Speaking of Warrior dashes, good luck to everyone that is doing the race in Earlham tomorrow.  Kick some butt my central Iowans! Happy Friday the 13th and have a super weekend.  

Thursday, July 12, 2012


I have to give props to my step-daughter Maia, here.  I don’t know how she spent her summer on crutches in a cast and then in a walking boot for 5 weeks after breaking her leg. I just completed week 1 of the walking boot and it was terrible!  The doctor said I had to wear it for a week, maybe longer if it wasn’t feeling better.  Well today is a week and I’m hoping I never have to put it on again.  It’s hot, it’s awkward and it makes my calves cramp up because I apparently walk funny in it.  Kind of like after a night of wearing high heels but all day, every day. 

I took it off last night and went to Warrior.  I was a little nervous but my body needed some action.  I didn’t run the 2 ½ miles with everyone else during laps.  While they did that, I walked briskly back and forth along the flat grass to warm up.  I was able to do all the functional training though.  Abs, Kettle bells, squats, around the world…all the weight stuff.  And it felt good. My muscles were happy.  I didn’t sprint between the stations like normal but I did jog as quickly as I could down and back.  It went really well until the mountain climbers came and I didn’t think before jumping back into position.  Pain seared through my foot and I dropped like a wet nap onto the grass.  Dumb.  Luckily that was the second to last set and all I had left after that was jumping jacks.  I modified them and finished the night.  All the action was a little rough on my foot but much harder on my ego.  I hate being slow and feeling like I can’t do everything the others do.  This is warrior training, not for wimps, as the t-shirts say.  I had to remind myself that I wasn’t a wimp but instead was being precautionary as to not make my injury worse.  Friday night is tough mudder obstacles.  Now that should be interesting.  I will try to remember to take a few pictures if I can. 

Today we have a team outing for work so we are trying my first full day without the boot.  We’re heading to Sleepy Hollow for disc golf, laser tag, basketball and volleyball.  I brought my ankle brace along in case my foot starts acting up but I’m really looking forward to spending the day being active with my teammates! I can’t wait.  I brought a sack lunch of tuna and string cheese and after we eat, the fun begins.  Then off to the gym and finally home at some point in the evening to eat dinner and relax for a bit. 

Oh, remember the Lunch and Learn workshop I gave the other day at work?  And remember my post about “Just One” and my hopes to help people make better decisions?  This is part of an email I received yesterday from one of the leaders in health & wellness so hooray for mission accomplished!!

“I saw someone in Pizza Hut afterwards that attended.  She told me she was planning to get breadsticks and then reconsidered – thinking about what you had said!  So you helped one person make a better decision yesterday (that we know of)!  I’m sure there were many more.“

If you’re in Iowa enjoy the beautiful weather the next few days.  Word on the street is the excess 100+ degree temps are on their way back as soon as Tuesday.  

Tuesday, July 10, 2012


Fresh zucchini and squash from the garden with peppers, onion and garlic. 6 oz baked tilapia with lemon juice and dill. Tarter sauce made with fat free mayo, lime juice, cilantro and cayenne pepper. Yum!! Perfect summer dinner.


Sometimes you have to cry to cleanse.  That’s what I needed last night.  I survived my meltdown and feel much better today.  I spent a few hours talking to my husband, crying, being a maniac about not doing well enough, wondering why I couldn’t get it together and he helped me, as always, put things into perspective and get a grip.  I set some mini goals for the coming weeks and today was a fresh start.  So far my food is picture perfect for the day.  I’m going to try swimming tonight so that I can get some cardio but hopefully not agitate the foot. 

I presented my story at work today to about 100 people in what they call a "Lunch and Learn".  I was pretty nervous, especially after the way I felt last night.  How was I supposed to get up in front of people and inspire them to get healthy when I was a poster child for emotional eating last night?  Well, I decided, who better for the job then someone that continues to get knocked down by food…but always gets back up and continues fighting?  I think it went pretty well.  I shared my journey, gave some advice, and answered questions.  Hopefully it was as fun for the people that were there or listening via teleconference as it was for me to give.  It helped to rejuvenate my brain a bit, that’s for sure.  Going through those pictures and slides while talking about how far I’ve come was a great reminder of exactly that; how far I’ve come.  And that’s what I had lost sight of last night.  There will always be good and bad days.  Last night was a very bad one but that doesn’t mean today can’t be great.  Thank you to those that spent their lunchtime listening, stayed to ask questions or sent me emails after.  It gives me so much inspiration.  Today I remind myself to try and shine and be brilliant, even on a day that seems dark.  Remember that little redheaded orphan Annie?  She was right…the sun does come out tomorrow.    

Monday, July 9, 2012

A bit off the deep end

When I started this blog I promised that I would be honest about the good and the bad.  Today I need to be honest with myself and I need to do it here.  I don’t know what is wrong with me.  I live in a vicious cycle of overeating.  I have all the tools in the world to stop it and gain control of my life and I ignore them. Don’t you find that odd for someone that has been tagged a control freak repeatedly?  The one thing I have complete control over is what goes into my mouth.  More than the weather, finances, friends hurting my feelings, work getting chaotic…I can’t control any of those things.  But I can, in theory, control what I eat, so why don’t I? 

I’ve been feeling terrible for weeks.  Constant weekends on the road or entertaining have led to terrible choices and weight gain.  People tell me every day that I’m melting away and how great I look.  Oh how desperately I want to believe them but I know it’s not true.  I watch the scale every morning.  Hell, let’s be honest, I weigh myself probably 2-10 times, depending on the day.  I’m obsessed with it.  And each time I step on, I’m hoping for a miracle and that the scale will deny what I shoved in my mouth this weekend.  But it doesn’t, no matter how much I plead with it to be water weight or bloating or that I’m wearing my shoes.  I’ve gained since I returned from Biggest Loser.  The opportunity of a lifetime and I feel some days like I am wasting it all.  And I don’t want to but I’m having a hard time figuring out how to stop. 

This is a picture of our countertop tonight.  Keep in mind this is after the party.  You can only imagine the food we had on hand when it started on Saturday.  There’s stuff left in the fridge too.  I’ve been dealing with some issues regarding someone I love very dearly and what feels like the gradual demise of our friendship.  I don’t feel like I can be open about it to them and I find that instead, I’m eating it like I’ve done for so many years.  I’m upset about my foot and not being able to work out.  My sister’s wedding is in less than 4 weeks and the dress barely zipped when I returned from BLR.  Now, I’ve put on weight and I’m terrified that it won’t fit the day of.  A sane person would use that as a reason to get it together and take control right?  A little slap from reality?  It’s making me eat more.  I’m at home on the couch with my foot in a walking boot, staring at her wedding invites, pissed that I can’t be at the gym.  And every few minutes I find myself walking into the kitchen and snacking on something on the counter or in the fridge.  Not the good snacks, mind you.  Not the fruit or baked chips or reduced fat crackers.  No, that’s just silly talk. I want the comfort food.  The naughty and forbidden.  That which I know will ruin my scale again tomorrow.  It’s all I can think about.  It’s like it’s screaming my name from the kitchen.  So I ate some.  Then I went back and ate some more and before I know it, I want to vomit.  And the very thought of eating myself into a state where I feel like I need to vomit makes me start crying.  So then I’m sitting on the couch crying, wanting to eat but not wanting to be fat and I’m feeling more and more miserable by the minute.  Pretty messed up, huh?  Its ok, you can think I’m crazy.  Today I probably wouldn’t argue with you about it. 

If someone called me right now and said this was happening to them, I could find a million ideas for them to avoid it, tricks to stop, other activities to try and hopefully convince them to love themselves and think about how much better they will feel tomorrow if they refrain.  Why can’t I do it for myself today?  Why am I sitting here feeding my self-pity and loathing with terrible things?  Why must I sabotage all the wonderful things I have accomplished and how far I have come?  Why can’t I stop eating myself stupid? 


What a weekend.  I couldn’t have asked for a better one.  I was so spoiled by gifts, well-wishes, food and friends that came to my birthday party.  I’m so tired today I can barely see straight but it was worth every minute of it!  I even had surprise appearances from dear cousins that drove a long way to celebrate.  So to everyone that traveled near and far to hang out in the 110 degree heat of my backyard and laugh together, thank you!

The weekend was made very special by two of my Biggest Loser Resort friends that went above and beyond to shower me with love and make my birthday celebration so very special.  I’ve often talked about all the lessons I learned at the resort and people love to ask me what my favorite part was.  Of course having someone do all my cooking, a maid, world class trainers on hand and the Malibu sunshine were great, but hands down the most amazing and rewarding part of my experience was the friendships I made.  The people that will forever be in my heart and life now that helped me survive and thrive while I was gone.  And they still stand beside me today offering me love and support at every turn.  Liya and Wendy, there are no words that I can muster to show my gratitude for your smiles, positive attitudes, kind words, heart and generosity.  I don’t know what I would do without the two of you and I am so glad to know that fate brought you into my life in April to make my world a better place.  I love you dearly and can’t wait to see you both again soon.  Wendy, I hope you enjoyed Iowa as much as Iowa enjoyed having you here.  

Thursday, July 5, 2012


Sometimes things don't go the way you plan. Luckily it's not broken but I am banned from the gym, warrior and running for at least a week. Grrr. Guess this girl is gonna have to get creative!!

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Just one

I always hope that sharing this blog is helping others.  Even if it’s a fraction of how much it helps me to write it, knowing that someone can relate or find a useful tip makes this all worthwhile.  Some days I’m busy and I don’t make the time to write it.  And then a day like today happens and I’m reminded why I must and that I love it.  A lot of people have asked why Molly and I have shared our stories so openly and invited in the scrutiny and judgment that comes along with taking on healthy living in the public eye.  The answer is easy; because we want to help.  Helping others and paying forward what I’ve learned and experienced is my passion and it drives me daily.  I’ve always said if sharing this helps just one person change their life and find happiness and live longer, than it was worth it all. 

Today I went down to the gym at work for a cycling class.  My walking partner in crime, Melody, is out of the office for the holidays and so yesterday I did Zumba, today was to be cycling.  Figured it would be good for me since that triathlon thingy is right around the corner.  So I’m running a little late because I was stuck on a call.  I get down and start changing and a woman approaches me.  She thanks me for sharing my blog and says she loved watching the videos I did for Principal while I was at Biggest Loser Resort.  Then she starts crying.  She tells me that my story and my blog have changed her life.  She shares with me that she has been overweight most of her life and that she’s on a continuous roller coaster of yo-yo diets.  She has zero support at home and is even ridiculed by her family when she tells them that she’s serious this time and is going to get healthy.    I can’t really tell her to get rid of her family if they can’t support her but I encourage her to talk to them and explain that it’s important to her.  She says they won’t understand and that she’s been working out at the gym here so that they don’t know and won’t make fun of her.  She’s trying to save her life in secret because she has no support.  Really?  My heart breaks open inside when I hear this.  I tell her that I believe she can do it. I tell her it takes strength and courage to make the right choices every day and whether or not anyone agrees with them, she is doing the right thing for HER and that’s what counts.  We talk about how I balance and juggle all the responsibilities of life with my workouts, job, family, etc.  I give her some tips on food.  And I gave her a hug.  I told her that I was proud of her and if she ever needed anything, she knew where to find me.  And then she finally smiled and left for her class. 

I didn’t make it to cycling but I jumped on the treadmill and thought about what had just happened and again, counted my blessings for the loving and supportive people I have around me.  I felt a renewed sense of energy knowing that I was doing the right thing by sharing my story.  I have helped somebody and there is no greater feeling in the world.  I want to feel like that every day.  I wish I could reach out to everyone I see with sadness in their eyes and try to offer support.  I hope that this blog continues to reach out to people and help them change their lives, the same way writing it is changing mine.  Most importantly, I hope people know that there is always hope.  Have a wonderful 4th of July.  Shine and be brilliant like the fireworks overhead.  You ARE worth it.  

Monday, July 2, 2012

Above all

As of this morning this little blog I started in February has had over 10,088 views.  That is insane and makes me so happy.  I am truly touched that people continue to read about my journey even after my return from Biggest Loser Resort.  From the bottom of my heart, a million thank you’s for making me feel like what I’m doing is relevant, and hopefully, inspiring.  Also, thank you for all the birthday wishes!! I had an amazing and perfect weekend at home with my family.  2012 has been an incredible year and the second half is starting off just as wonderful. 

Writer Nora Ephron died last week.  It was a sad day for me.  Her and John Hughes played a big part in my moving to LA so many years ago and pursuing my entertainment writing career.  It’s weird when people you idolized pass but I find it is joyful to look back at the impact they made on me.  No, I never sold the next “Sixteen Candles” or “When Harry Met Sally” to a movie studio but I have some scripts in my closet I am pretty darn proud of.  Maybe they didn’t get shared with the world on a big screen, but writing them brought me happiness, tears, strength and therapy.  And I wouldn’t trade the things I learned and the life I lived in Hollywood for a million dollars.  It helped mold me into who I am today. 

“Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.”  Nora Ephron

Every day you are faced with decisions and choices and it is up to you to write each act.  It is so easy to be a victim.  It’s so easy to write off your circumstances as unchangeable and unfair.  It takes courage to keep fighting and say I will not give up.  I will not be the victim.  I will be strong.  But each of us has that option.  It won’t be an easy stroll down lollipop lane, but that’s what makes life magical!  The bumps and twists along the way are what shape us into individuals.  All too often I hear people play the victim card when it comes to getting healthy.  I’ve used it myself time and again.  There will always be excuses readily available as to why you can’t get healthy.  Those are a dime a dozen.  Saying you don’t have enough time or money or don’t know how to start, those are words from victims.  A heroine gets up each day and says today I will make these small changes and I will succeed.  It may take several attempts but if you have the heart of a heroine, you can find a way to continue day after day, knowing that great joy and honor will find you on this path.  Why would you choose to be the victim?  Because it’s easy?  Because you’re scared?  Why wouldn’t you fight against any and all odds to be the best person you can possibly be each day?  How silly that you can’t make the time to make yourself shine and be brilliant.  If you don’t do it yourself, who do you think will do it for you?