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Wednesday, September 5, 2012

I am the warrior


Tonight is the last night of Warrior training.  It is bittersweet, of course.  This program has definitely been a change up from my normal and my comfortable.  Sometimes that’s just what we need to do, right?  I loved this program and felt that it pushed me to try a lot of new things.  I also met some really amazing friends in my co-warriors.  Let me tell you, these people rock!  As does Todd, who runs the program.  The support I’ve received from my warriors has been a bit mind boggling.  We are all at very different levels of fitness and looking for many different results from the program but we are indeed a team.  I would recommend this program to anyone that is looking to add some variety and spice to their training, as long as you don’t mind getting a little dirty and being out in the elements.  If you want to be pushed to the next level, this will definitely do it. 

Next week is a free for all which will be weird.  Molly and I don’t return to Scott until the 18th so I have a week of no one telling me what to do.  I have been missing the gym, familiar faces, the treadmill and some of the classes I learned at Biggest Loser Resort.  I’m looking forward to doing some of the old goodies next week.  Maybe they will remind me how this all got started in the first place.  There are days this summer that I’ve just felt like I’ve been on auto pilot, especially with my cardio workouts.  I haven’t pushed like I know I could.  I just get on the machine and go through the motions like a robot.  It’s showing on my scale, my mindset and my overall attitude.  I have become a bit complacent.  This is no good and needs to stop.  It’s been 2 ½ years on a journey to a healthier Lyndee and well, some days I just get tired of it.  There’s the truth that I never want to admit.  It’s not easy.  I’m not whining, I swear.  No one ever said it would be easy and I know that nothing worth having comes easy.  But some days I just wish it wasn’t so damn hard to stay on track!!  I also know that short of having my jaw wired shut that this all lies on me.  I chose this.  I wanted this.  These are my choices, good and bad.  I have to live with them.  I guess that’s why I haven’t been writing as often lately.  I’m not proud of some of the choices I’ve been making with my food and portions.  I’m not proud of the fact that I’ve gained back some of the weight I lost while I was in Malibu.  I’m not proud that I have been caught up in life and all the demands that come with it and have pushed myself as a priority to the side.  I haven’t kicked it to the curb or anything but I haven’t been zoned in like I was at my most successful times.  I’ve been distracted and it’s easy to push healthy eating and workouts to the back burner when life gets hectic.  I just have to remind myself how important it is to keep improving, getting stronger, finding that mental fire again and start conquering the scale like I know I can if I take the right steps.  It’s funny, all the times that I had heard people from Biggest Loser or those that have lost incredible amounts of weight, when they would start gaining it back I just couldn’t comprehend it.  I didn’t understand how someone could go through all that hard work and then just “throw it all away” and return to their old habits.  I guess I shouldn’t have been such a judgmental witch.  That karma, she’s always knocking on our door, isn’t she?  I don’t want to be another statistic and I know that I need to get it back under control as soon as possible.  Motivate, dominate, destroy.     

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