What I learned with LL Cool J

Even though I’m down 99 pounds from my heaviest point, there are still days I feel like a bloated heifer.  I don’t like how my clothes fit. My muffin top looks more like a spare tractor tire.  Or a picture gets taken where I feel like I have a double chin.  Whatever it may be, we all have had those days.  It’s not often, but they sneak up sometimes.  I’m pretty sure this is an inevitable woman curse.  We never think we look good enough when, in reality, we look great and no one is noticing all the tiny imperfections…except for ourselves. 

Sometimes I need a reminder of how far I’ve come and this was definitely a good one.  While unpacking my boxes in my new house I found this oldie but goodie picture.  It’s bittersweet.  I love it because it’s a picture of myself and LL Cool J whom I adore. Can you hear my heart pitter patter just thinking about his gorgeousness?  So on one hand, I cherish this picture.  On the other hand, I look like I ate a village full of people because my face is so fat and round. I mean, seriously. It’s like skin over an over pumped basketball.  And it makes me sad to know I was that size and never realized just how large I was.  But then I looked in the mirror and I thought, we’re good.  That’s progress.  No more quadruple chins.  I do in fact have a neck.  And, wait, what’s that? Collar bones! Hooray me! I decided that I would display this picture proudly on my dresser.  I didn’t want to hide it in a box because of embarrassment anymore. I wanted it out to remind me each morning when I grab my socks and skivvies that I have come a long way.  I’m not that girl anymore. And I will continue down that path until I reach my goal.  And I’m pretty sure LL and the fat old me in the picture will be cheering me along the way.