I have searched my soul, raided the fridge, evaluated relationships, re-prioritized and I can definitely say that I have found some inner peace as of late. I’m back to my workouts. I’ve been going to the new YMCA in Indianola 5-7 days a week, sometimes twice a day. I’m doing awesome classes like zumba, turbojam and water sculpt. I’m doing cardio and I’m strength training. I’m even playing basketball again, which I have always loved. I’m breaking my fitbit step goal every day. I’m burning lots of calories. The best part about it? I’m doing it with my family. There’s nothing like a 12 & 8 year old begging to go to the gym to get you moving and having some fun. That’s what’s been missing for me for a while. The fun. The journey I was on had become a chore, it was a stressful burden and it wasn’t fun. It wasn’t working because it was more of a hassle to me than something I enjoyed like when I had first started. I was having anxiety attacks and getting physically ill at the thought of weigh ins. I was driving myself crazy in so many ways. I was buckling under the pressure that I had to be perfect and I couldn’t fail and everyone would be disappointed in me. Mostly, I just disappointed myself. And then I had this come to Jesus moment. I don’t give a shit what anyone else thinks. In the words of my boy Tupac, "only God can judge me". I only care how I feel and that I’m getting healthier for ME. This is my journey alone and I’m owning it. If I help others along the way, absolutely wonderful. But I’m not carrying the burden of that pressure anymore. If someone doesn’t want to know what I’m up to, then don’t read my blog or follow me on social media. I’m ok with that. I’m making choices for me, my family and my future. End of story. I’m down 8 pounds so far and that’s cool. I’ve got a ways to go yet but I’m no longer obsessed or miserable, and that’s even cooler.
I’m logging my food on myfitnesspal like it’s a religion; all the good, the bad and the ugly. I’m no longer weighing in compulsively 5 times a day. I only weigh in on Friday mornings, like Scott had suggested to me so long ago. My family continues to offer my unconditional love and support and I am blessed every day. Wonderful friends have stepped up to the plate and helped me feel like I could soar again. I’m keeping it real and they help me feel normal and human…and strong. Rachael, Kara, Audra, Melody and Callie..if life was a Bette Midler song, you would be the wind beneath my wings. J Thank you for your amazing support and love. For standing like rocks at my side, calming me if I start to spaz out and just being generally awesome.