New four letter F word – FOOD

So we’re trying a little experiment with our food logs.  The first week went very well.  It may sound weird to some but food stresses me out.  Not like oh what am I going to eat today.  But the thought of eating every day brings me serious anxiety.  I have been counting calories for three years straight and every time something touches my lips, I’m calculating how many calories I have to burn for it to be gone.  I feel like people are always watching and judging when I eat.  They are probably not but I feel that way.  I feel like if I even look at french fries that I have sinned.  I stress every meal, every snack, every minute of the day.  I weigh myself about 4-6 times a day.  I sometimes sneak food when I’m alone at home.  I’m pretty sure that’s an eating disorder of some sort.  And as the pounds have started coming back on, my eating has gotten worse and my stress level has gotten worse and it’s a vicious cycle.  Molly has similar anxiety when choosing food.  So a week ago last Thursday we came up with a new plan to get Molly and I off of our plateau.  A former Biggest Loser contestant suggested to Molly that we go a week without logging our food and calories.  We only keep a food log of feelings.  What are we eating, where are we eating it, how do we feel before, during and after.  Scott was on board with the idea and we are trying it out for a month.  Also, no weigh ins during this time.  Why?  Because every Thursday I wake up and have a panic attack because I know we have to weigh in and it’s stressing me out.  Scott wants to cut the stress (which is always a weight loss wrecker) and just focus on the idea of getting back to food as fuel and not oh my god that cookie was 120 calories.  What have I done?!?!

I have to admit the first week was very weird.  There are no restrictions on what we can eat. I don’t have to try to balance more protein than carbs. I just eat what I want and make sure to journal what I feel while doing it.  We are hoping this sheds some light on our triggers and the emotional eating cycle we have always battled.  It’s hard to retrain my brain after three years but I find it very freeing.  I have enough going on in my life than needing to worry every day about my food and if I can attend a party or go out to eat with my family.  At first I was scared I would go crazy thinking of all the things I used to love but hadn’t eaten in a while.  But I haven’t.  In fact, I’ve found that I’m barely snacking at all which was getting to be a major issue.  I think I’ve feeling more satisfied with my meals and not feeling the urge to compensate with snacks. 

Although it’s only been just over a week, I already feel like I am figuring some things out about my triggers and thoughts towards food. I’m excited to see how this experiment plays out but I already feel 5 pounds lighter not having the anxiety on my shoulders.