It’s been awhile since I posted. I apologize.
I’ve received a lot of comments, emails and inquiries about it. To those of you that have cared enough to
check in, my sincere thank you. It’s
hard to motivate others when the motivation slips away. Makes me feel really hypocritical. To say that things have changed in the last
few months would be a dramatic understatement.
I’ve gained a lot of weight back since August. No, I’m not talking 5 or 10 pounds. A LOT.
My Aspen membership and training with Scott are over. I lost the person I thought was my best friend
for the last 17 years. Things are very
different but everything happens for a reason.
I’ve always believed that. And in
the last few months, those reasons have become abundantly clear.
I have searched my soul, raided the fridge, evaluated
relationships, re-prioritized and I can definitely say that I have found some
inner peace as of late. I’m back to my
workouts. I’ve been going to the new YMCA in
Indianola 5-7 days a week, sometimes twice a day. I’m doing awesome classes
like zumba, turbojam and water sculpt. I’m doing cardio and I’m strength training. I’m even playing basketball again, which I have
always loved. I’m breaking my fitbit
step goal every day. I’m burning lots of
calories. The best part about it? I’m doing
it with my family. There’s nothing like
a 12 & 8 year old begging to go to the gym to get you moving and having
some fun. That’s what’s been missing for
me for a while. The fun. The journey I was on had become a chore, it
was a stressful burden and it wasn’t fun.
It wasn’t working because it was more of a hassle to me than something I
enjoyed like when I had first started. I
was having anxiety attacks and getting physically ill at the thought of weigh
ins. I was driving myself crazy in so
many ways. I was buckling under the
pressure that I had to be perfect and I couldn’t fail and everyone would be
disappointed in me. Mostly, I just
disappointed myself. And then I had this come to Jesus moment. I don’t
give a shit what anyone else thinks. In the words of my boy Tupac, "only God can judge me". I
only care how I feel and that I’m getting healthier for ME. This is my journey alone and I’m owning
it. If I help others along the way, absolutely
wonderful. But I’m not carrying the
burden of that pressure anymore. If
someone doesn’t want to know what I’m up to, then don’t read my blog or follow
me on social media. I’m ok with
that. I’m making choices for me, my
family and my future. End of story. I’m down 8 pounds so far and that’s
cool. I’ve got a ways to go yet but I’m
no longer obsessed or miserable, and that’s even cooler.
I’m logging my food on myfitnesspal like it’s a religion; all the good, the bad and the ugly. I’m no longer weighing in compulsively 5
times a day. I only weigh in on Friday
mornings, like Scott had suggested to me so long ago. My family continues to offer my unconditional
love and support and I am blessed every day.
Wonderful friends have stepped up to the plate and helped me feel like I
could soar again. I’m keeping it real and they help me feel normal and human…and
strong. Rachael, Kara, Audra, Melody and
Callie..if life was a Bette Midler song, you would be the wind beneath my
wings. J Thank you for your amazing support and
love. For standing like rocks at my
side, calming me if I start to spaz out and just being generally awesome.
